Chemistry

It is a volatile topic. Chemistry. and Relationships. Yeah, just what you want to read about huh? Well, I've had an idea on my mind for the past 20 years about chemistry vs soul mates. I'm going to challenge some long accepted "norms" of romance with this post. I don't mean to kick anyone in the shins, but let's be honest. The best burgers come from sacred cows. well, lets get to it...

I don't believe in the romantic fantasy of "soul mates". Sorry to burst your bubble. They don't exist. At least, I've never met one. Maybe it is the term I disagree with? No, it is the entire concept. I don't believe that we are meant to find this one person who will meet every need and solve every problem and love us unconditionally. That description can only be fulfilled by Jesus. (not Buddha or Allah, sorry.) Outside of Jesus, what about marriage? What about finding that "soul mate" and falling in love and having babies and eating fried chicken on the rocking chairs at 85? It's not that I don't believe in falling in love, or children or rocking chairs. I believe in all of those. I just don't believe that we have a destiny to find this one person and then everything else will fall into line. It raises too many questions. Such As:

What if we never find that person?
What if we marry the wrong person?
What if don't find them, what does that make us?
What does it make God if we don't find them? (how sick would that be? I don't picture God like that. That is a perverted twisted view of God, that we are just put here to suffer and toil away at nothingness until, thankfully, we die).

So as you can see, I dismissed the entire theory of "soul mates" quite quickly upon asking myself some of those questions. I have a far superior idea/theory. What else would you expect from me?

I believe that you will have people pass through your life that you have a certain chemistry with. A chemistry that is timeless. I'm sure you know people with whom you can call after many years of not speaking and pick up right where you left off. It's because the chemistry is there. The mere essence of both of you get along just fine. I am not advocating that these people are meant to be a romantic interest. But I do realize how special each one of these people are and how timeless your connection is. I do think that some of these people you can marry and be perfectly happy with. The chemistry is the basic building block of a great relationship. Great being defined between the two of you. Chemistry trumps soul mates every time.

Here is the sticky point. Just because the chemistry is right, doesn't mean that the recipe will work out. Especially between men and women. There is an entire book one can write about how our lives could work out, but doesn't and if that is a sign of a greater power. I choose to believe that God is in charge and he will protect you to a point. If you are bound and determined to screw your life up, then I believe he will let you. (not sure where that came from, but I am going to leave it in there, I normally delete lines like that. Gosh, look at how horrible that grammar is. Sorry Ms. Schieder)

Okay, back on track. Recently I saw a movie called "Limitless". I was pleasantly surprised. The gist of the movie is what if someone could use all their brain power?. Good concept. But what about if we could use all of our heart? What capacity could we love? Could their be room for everyone in there? Seriously. If you get heart broken a few times, do you ever really get over it? I don't think so, you just get used to dealing with it. (see previous blogs about this) And we learn to love another. We love different people in different ways. Even those that have become a memory. We still have that capacity and emotion of love for them. But we realize that we must let go and move that love into the "low rent" district of our hearts. It is these people with whom we have chemistry with that we do love. It is really both hearts talking to each other. That's why you can pick up after all those years. That's why I believe in true love. Not just romantic love. But loving someone just simply because they are who they are.


" Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails"

My favorite part is the last 3 words. "Love Never Fails". It doesn't. But we must not confuse love with romance. Chemistry is necessary for any long term relationship. Who wants to have any type of relationship with someone they can't stand? How dumb would that be?

So that's it. Chemistry is a wonderful gift that manifests itself throughout many people throughout our lives. Hopefully we recognize not only how special that chemistry is, but how special the person is that we have it with.