The Great Awakening

Usually this refers to a period in American History.  What it is all about, I'm not sure.  However, I can only speak to the meaning in my life.  As I'm sure you can speak to it in yours.  It is a moment when it seems clear.  Crystal.  The perception and reality match.  Planets align and what not.  This weekend was a confirmation to me.  And it also enlightened me to the serious selfishness that I have become too familiar with.  I don't regret my decisions, but I do regret the lack of transparency or communication regarding them.  I know that it is easy to question others intentions, and when I don't inform, the unanswered questions can hurt.  To frame this portrait of an apology will take some time.  I didn't know the effects of simple decisions.  To quote Mumford :  " It was not your fault but mine, And it was your heart on the line, I really F!cked it up this time, didn't I my dear?".  At times my steadfastness can blind my heart.  I apologize for that.    But with that sour, came the... well, I wouldn't call it sweet.  But lets say with the questioning came confirmation.  Confirmation that the decision was correct.  For all the right reasons.  I just didn't know how deep the transgressions ran.  But I don't celebrate that.  I wish it was something else.  I wish for a lot of things, but I can only work on one.

Although I wasn't asked, I would offer some advice.  Some advice to those who are taking stock of their surroundings.  Remember when the Israelites were pissed at Moses for leading them into the desert?  The looked at all they thought they had, and longed for captivity.  While I'm definitely not Moses, I can offer some advice on the desert you find your self in.

Mumford guides the way again:

Now I'll be bold

as well as strong

and use my head

alongside my heart

so tame my flesh

and fix my eyes

untethered mind

freed from the lies

I'll kneel down

Wait for now

I'll kneel down

Know my Ground

Raise my hands

paint my spirit gold

bow my head

Feed my heart slow

Cause I will wait

I will wait for you

I will wait 

I will wait for you

I know what you are going through.  The questions circle.  They taunt you at every pass.  How could you be so dumb?  Are you ever going to do anything with your life?  Are you just a loser like they said you are?  Man without vision will perish, so you call this living?  What's the size of your dream?

Simple claptrap meant to enslave you into their pyramid of false promises.  

I say stuff it.  You are free now.  Embrace the new.  God lead you through that, every step.  Kneel down and wait.  Use your head.  I was wrong too.  I was stupid too.  I let too many other people do my thinking for me.  Welcome to the club.  I know at times, you can feel adrift.  While you are waiting, remember that God is still working.  Kneeling down isn't fun.  Satan didn't enjoy it.  But every great pain has a great healing.  Kneeling down, allowing God to heal is knowing your ground.  Be Bold.  Be Strong. Use your head and your heart.  

 I don't know when the pain will stop.  I just know what I went through.  

I will wait for you.

Keep Talking

There's a silence surrounding me

I can't seem to think straight

I'll sit in the corner

No one can bother me

I think I should speak now (why won't you talk to me)

I can't seem to speak now (you never talk to me)

My words won't come out right (what are you thinking)

I feel like I'm drowning (What are you feeling)

I'm feeling weak now (why won't you talk to me)

But I can't show my weakness (you never talk to me

I sometimes wonder (what are you thinking)

Where do we go from here (what are you feeling)

What if we just shut the hell up for two seconds.  Long enough to weigh the words we are about to speak against the sands of eternity.  Will the mere utterances have meaning after we are gone?  They why fill the empty spaces with mere words?  Aren't pictures or actions worth millions more?  Then why waste time with simply talking?  

Remember Dick Tracy, the movie... not the comic book.. I'm not that old.  Contrary to some local community college admittance officers observation, but I digress.  There was a character in the movie called "mumbles".  He wasn't known for his articulation.  Each character had their own unique characteristics.  His was unintelligible speech.  Somewhat useful for police interrogations, but not for relationships.  Some equate mumbling with bashfulness.  Others, it equates to shyness.  But have you ever considered that the man just didn't have anything good to say, but felt obliged to say something?