Again

I guess if you've never been there, this won't make any sense.  For those of us who have, this is the most draining and inspiring 50 minutes..

Florence + Machine

What I'd Say

It's a stunning revelation when the veneer of day to day life is stripped away.  When the sum total of a man doesn't add up.  Whoa.. wait a second, is this more stop light confessional stuff?  Of course.  The most stunning revelations are the ones that hurt the most.  And typically, they introduce a level of interior conflict not yet seen.  For example.  A shocking lack of intimate relationships may reveal that one has an issue letting down their defenses.  But that's the thing about defenses.. they defend. 

But what do they defend us from?  If they don't work and one gets hurt regardless, what good are they.  Or perhaps they aren't defenses, but merely excuses.  Excuses attempting to explain away the frailties of a man. What happens when the image of ourselves is revealed to be false?  Or perhaps what one thought oneself was about, really wasn't?  Remember that crappy movie "Varsity Blues"?  It was awful.  Had that guy from Dawson's Creek in it.  I digress.  There was a scene in it where, for lack of a better name, Dawson told his father "I don't want your life".  The context was one of a father attempting to live vicariously through his son.  I'm sure that would have hurt in real life, but it is true.  So what happens when we realize that we don't want the life we have built?  What happens when one random Wednesday it hits you.  "This isn't me.  I've built I life I don't want" comes the voice you didn't want to hear.  Ever.   What then?  And that's not saying that the life we have built is bad, it just isn't the one that is true.

Again, it doesn't mean that the present is bad.  There are many awesome, wonderful things.  Things to be grateful to God for.  But it isn't truth.   What then?  What do you say to yourself?

Call It

So typically I write when I am procrastinating in other areas.  School, work, cleaning, car maintenance etc.  But I have been formulating something inside and attempting to articulate it for some time.  And for awhile recently I thought I knew what I wanted to write.  But then that mood changes, but the desire remains.  I know it has been some time.  My apologies.  I have been preoccupied with other matters that required my attention.

I think I will write about the movie "No Country for Old Men".  The Coen brothers crown jewel in a career of thought provoking movies.  I won't sum it up the plot for you, you have to experience itself for yourself. 

"You've been putting it up your whole life, 
you just didn't know it"