I hate it when life interrupts my plans. But then again, don't we all? It can be so easy for a choleric/ melancholy type of person to plan everything to the smallest detail. Where the sanguine excels at people, the choleric / melancholic excels at tasks. While people aren't immediately thrown into the dust bin, the tasks can sometime outweigh them in importance. I guess God was smart when he made both the Martha's and the Marys of this world. But I'm glad I don't run the universe. I know.. I am actually going somewhere with this.
Let's think of life from a Macro view, yet again. As no one single incident has led me to this posting tonight, but a series of fortunate events. And to date, that series of events has been the summation of 34 years on this planet. There are moments of pride, and moments of shame. I am, after all, human. I think the choleric melancholy personality is haunted by the endless "to do" list. It is a monster of our own creation. We revel in the magnanimity of accomplishment. As with any extreme, it can be a detriment. Even if the motives are pure, placing more weight in the task than the person is not good.
Sometimes the simplest prayers are the hardest to pray. Namely, the ones where we sacrifice what we are. When we simply say "thy will be done". It sounds simple, doesn't it? But it isn't. It isn't easy to let go. I remember a weekend retreat in high school. The theme was "Let go and let God". My question then was.. "let Him do what?". Ahh.. there is the crux of the matter. Do we trust God? Do we trust Him.. do I trust Him? Don't gloss over that one. It is a profound question and an even more revealing answer.
I've heard that a married couple can remain married through pretty much any struggle, except for a loss of trust. If you don't trust the one you have given yourself to.. well, that marriage licence comes with an expiration date. So the same is with our Lord. If we don't simply trust at times, then we are leading down the road of self destruction. A forest of trees has been slain to write the books containing words of wisdom regarding how to walk closer to God, be a better Christian, or study his Scriptures. But what if the simplest prayer leads to the best advice? Thy will be done.
I'm listening to one of my favorite songs. "World's Apart" by Jars of Clay. It is an amazing song.
Some lyrics would be helpful here:
Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart
Think about that for a second. What I need and what I believe are worlds apart. It is so easy to say that we trust, yet so hard to actually do it. Especially if you have the second Tuesday of next month's lunch planned. At some point our own human endeavors come in conflict with Him. It is the nature of sin, it is our nature.
This may sound a little weird, but c'mon, look at the source. Good Friday is my favorite mass. Hands down. I know it sounds weird, but it is. It is in that mass that I see the sacrifice. The whole of Christianity is what happened on that Cross. Good Friday connects me with the price that was paid. Of what I am truly worth. And it also reminds me of the responsibility that sacrifice requires. Quite honestly, it puts me in my place. You know the phrase.. "know your role"? Well, Good Friday shows me what my role is. This year, the overwhelming message I relieved was "trust me. If I told you where this was leading, you wouldn't do it, but you have to trust me". I am not all that excited about that to be perfectly honest. Our first reaction is always to think, "awww crap", when God says "Trust me".
I remember the last time I prayed "thy will be done". That really hurt. Still does. But therein lies the genius. When we trust God to tear our own petty world apart, He will put it back together even better... right?
I think our greatest temptation on this planet is to approach God with our To Do list, and justify it as His. Of course, he would want me to do..... ( insert this here). It's in His name. I think it is a greater problem in that we don't actually want to hear the truth. We want to be entertained by it. Let me use an example. Remember the Prodigal Son? He had a plan. Definitely not God's. So did the Father. He had a plan too. The scriptures don't mention anything from his perspective, nothing is mentioned of his pain. But at some point, he had to trust as well. I bet he had plenty of hurt, embarrassment and anguish. But all that vanished at the sigh
ting of a familiar form on the horizon. His world had been torn apart. And then rebuilt.
When I am looking at the cross, my own travails are meaningless. It isn't about me. It is about Him. It's not a popular message. It never has been. We all want to hear what God will do for us, about his blessings. But we never want to hear about the God who tears down our self made walls. We spent a lot of time on the Spackle on that wall. After all, that Spackle had to cover up our imperfections. And then, there God goes, tearing all that down. We scream and scramble to start rebuilding it. Our edifice to our ego is priceless in our eyes. But if we saw our own creations for what they really are. Rotting vestiges of an unfulfilled life.
Ever seen a 3 year old drag around an old blanket. You've seen it, right? An old, cruddy, dirty and smelly blanket. Yet the child clutches onto it. Grasping at that blanket as if it conveyed some magical ability to soothe. Remind you of anything? Your career? That car you always wanted? Your trophy wife? How about that perfect house in the perfect neighborhood that holds imperfect people? Well, you can't see the imperfect people inside when the landscaping is just right. Eventually, the parent grows tired of the dirty blanket routine. It must be washed. The child throws a fit. There is a lot of crying. Screaming. Slammed doors. "I HATE YOU!". Why did this happen to me?. "I'm a good person!" or "I'll be good, just let me hold onto this". I know this sounds familiar, cause I've said all of them. But God drives a hard bargain when it is time for your blanket to be washed. So we stand by the washing machine. Anticipating. Is it ready? Oh gosh, is the washer going to ruin it? Will the dryer shrink it? Will it still be as special? How long will we stand in God's laundry room, waiting for Him to finish? If we trusted, we could go out and play while He does His thing. But we don't. I know this, because I think I have a permanent spot on the Laundry room detail watching list. Peek my head in every few seconds "just to check".
At some point we have to realize that world we build for ourselves sucks. The world that He can build is a scary place. To step over that crumbled wall requires a ticket. And it is purchased in trust. Thy will be done. Because mine doesn't work.
