Stay in your lane or your lane will stay in you

 What does mean?  Who said it?  I have no idea on either one.  

Just a post to tell you that I'm still here.  Still kickin.. figuring this out as I go.  I don't have any big insights on life, this world or crypto.  It's just good to be alive.  Things change.. people change and the biggest blessings are unanswered prayers.  

Things change more

It has been awhile.  Much like climbing the steps to an old friends house and anticipating the once familiar open arms I turn yet again to you, anonymous internet.  It has been quite some time since I posted here and there has been quite some life lived in between these digital entries.  A few letters added to the resume.  A few more gray hairs.  A few less of the brown hairs. A few more pounds. The mornings now feature soreness in new places and old memories recede deeper. 

If I have learned anything during this time, I would say that things are never what they seem to be. Our perception of reality is never quite what reality is.  Of course, one could say that our perception to reality is our own reality, but that is not true.  Facts are not courteous to feelings.

Have you seen that movie "Cast Away"?  Rich in metaphors and lean on dialogue.  My kind of movie.  There is a scene where he has decided to leave the island.  A storm comes along and washes away his beloved Wilson.  (Good luck getting that out of your head today).  At one point, Chuck lays his ores in the water and watches them float away. 

Perhaps it is time to let some oars float away and see where the raft floats.

I will start again

Boomerang Love

Can a person change?  That seems to be the question lately.  I believe a person can change.  What if I use the word "Grow" instead of "change"?  Would that make it easier to accept?  Can a person grow and work on their failings?  I like to think they can.  I know I'm trying.

We didn't end up here just by natural default settings.  We are all a work in progress and subject to the influences in our lives.  If we are influenced better, then aren't the results better?  If we allow ourselves to be challenged in certain areas and allow that painful process to produce effective change, isn't that growth?

Perhaps growth only comes through trauma.  When forced into a corner and the options are grim, then effective change can occur.  I think there is validity in that as well.  I think we all change if we want something badly enough.

Just my .02

Again

I guess if you've never been there, this won't make any sense.  For those of us who have, this is the most draining and inspiring 50 minutes..

Florence + Machine

What I'd Say

It's a stunning revelation when the veneer of day to day life is stripped away.  When the sum total of a man doesn't add up.  Whoa.. wait a second, is this more stop light confessional stuff?  Of course.  The most stunning revelations are the ones that hurt the most.  And typically, they introduce a level of interior conflict not yet seen.  For example.  A shocking lack of intimate relationships may reveal that one has an issue letting down their defenses.  But that's the thing about defenses.. they defend. 

But what do they defend us from?  If they don't work and one gets hurt regardless, what good are they.  Or perhaps they aren't defenses, but merely excuses.  Excuses attempting to explain away the frailties of a man. What happens when the image of ourselves is revealed to be false?  Or perhaps what one thought oneself was about, really wasn't?  Remember that crappy movie "Varsity Blues"?  It was awful.  Had that guy from Dawson's Creek in it.  I digress.  There was a scene in it where, for lack of a better name, Dawson told his father "I don't want your life".  The context was one of a father attempting to live vicariously through his son.  I'm sure that would have hurt in real life, but it is true.  So what happens when we realize that we don't want the life we have built?  What happens when one random Wednesday it hits you.  "This isn't me.  I've built I life I don't want" comes the voice you didn't want to hear.  Ever.   What then?  And that's not saying that the life we have built is bad, it just isn't the one that is true.

Again, it doesn't mean that the present is bad.  There are many awesome, wonderful things.  Things to be grateful to God for.  But it isn't truth.   What then?  What do you say to yourself?

Call It

So typically I write when I am procrastinating in other areas.  School, work, cleaning, car maintenance etc.  But I have been formulating something inside and attempting to articulate it for some time.  And for awhile recently I thought I knew what I wanted to write.  But then that mood changes, but the desire remains.  I know it has been some time.  My apologies.  I have been preoccupied with other matters that required my attention.

I think I will write about the movie "No Country for Old Men".  The Coen brothers crown jewel in a career of thought provoking movies.  I won't sum it up the plot for you, you have to experience itself for yourself. 

"You've been putting it up your whole life, 
you just didn't know it"