Terminally Single

"Out along the road to no return
Silence rules the day and knows no friend
The troubled past and all her tribe adjourn
To watch your dreams unravel in the wind


But each new morning sunrise
Is just as good as gold
And all the hope inside you
Will keep you from the cold
Bare your soul let your spirit burn
Out along the road to no return"- Robert Earl Keen "road of no return"
At some point, we come to accept that the life we dreamed of, isn't what appears before us in the mirror.  At least, the naive dreams of youth are supplanted by the wisdom of age and the taming of various ambitions.  Wisdom sets in and tilting at windmills is prone to diminish.  At least it should.  We tend to regard the dream stricken 16 year old with patience and the dream stricken 40 year old with pity.   I've heard it said that if you set your self on fire, the world will turn out to watch you burn.  I hope they didn't mean that literally.    I guess the question is, at what point does one give up?  There is a cute story about a mouse who fell in a tub of milk and struggled enough to turn that tub of milk into cheese and walked out.  It is a quaint little story, and under a less cynical gaze, one could find hope in it.  But what happens when the only crowd that turns out is the one that brought popcorn to enjoy your dream unraveling?  Their salted hands hurt when slapping you on your now open blistered back.  Et Tu Brute?  
Let me hone in.  When someone is in their mid 30s and their dating life resembles a scene from Saw 8,  well, pretty much any Saw movie, there is a "come to Jesus" meeting one has.  I had that moment a few weeks ago.  After the 2nd and 3rd worst dates ever, and yes, that is quite a list.. I think I've had enough.  I don't consider it "quitting".  I should be more emotional about that revelation.  But I'm tired.  I'm tired of the constant looking.  Living life with this expectation that at any moment, it could all change.  I'm tired of being the Fifth or Third, or Seventh wheel.  It's just a slow acceptance that I have no control over this area, so I don't have the answer.  I wish I could pontificate on all the reasons why, but I''m tired.  I'm tired of hoping, expecting, and wishing.  I'm tired of having this bar of marriage = success held up to my life.  I know you don't, but some have.  Singleness isn't life's penalty box.  It doesn't mean that God doesn't favor me.  It just means what it is.  I am single.  Perhaps terminally single.  I don't want your fixing, or advice, or anything.  Just accept it.  I have.  Oh, and also think for a moment when you want to tell me how to "fix" it.  Dale's first law is that unwelcome advice is criticism.  I do get a chuckle when married couples tell me how wonderful it is to be married, and then get into an argument.  Awkward.  Besides, if it (marriage) was so wonderful, why do half of them end in divorce?  I could wax poetic about marriage and divorce all night, but that isn't the point.  The point is.  Sometimes, it is what it is.  

I climbed the mountains and I swept the plains
I crossed the border and I broke my chains
I walked the back roads 'til my shoes wore through
I'm still without you, without you
-Robert Earl Keen "Still Without You"