Undone

The smallest lies can lead to the biggest deceptions.  Namely, in our own perception.  Said another way, we can justify anything.  Soon the justifcations grow into a monolith of shame.  It is a clear for everyone to see, except yourself.  This county is infatuated with self delusion.  Gloss over all the truth.  Even the ugly truth.  True beuaty takes a back seat to expediency.   I was in church this morning, and two females were sitting in front of me.  And I am about to go far into "reading more into this " land. so bear with me.  But they are sisters.  I've seen them before.  Both are attractive.  One is even more so attractive.  So my mind wandered into the social dynamic between these two siblings.  I wondered which one is more popular with the boys? One likes to wear a truck load of make up.  I was going to offer my trowel for her to use, but in the interest of Christian charity I declined to offer it.  The other wasn't wearing make up that I could tell.   I am by no means an expert in this sort of business, so again, bear with me.  But sister #2 was wearing nice clothes, but they didn't reveal anything.  I am theorizing big time here, but I would be curious the type of boys each one brings home.  That would be interesting.

It is akin to... single people lowering their standards.  Being alone long enough and one begins to wonder a big "WTF'.  Especially if one knows what one can offer, but I digress.  So what are we willing to sacrifice at the alter of companionship?  I used to have a very stringent mindset about not deviating from what I was seeking in a partner.  But as I get older, I think certain things have fallen by the wayside.  Although I am still open to Britney Spears coming back, I don't think its going to happen in this lifetime.  So maybe a girl who is feeling lonely lets a little skin show.  She lies and says that the slip showing is only innocence.  The guy wears the tightest jeans possible to show off the butt and lies and says he enjoys it.  I dunno, I've never done either of those.  Maybe because they don't make women's jeans in 34/32.  Probably in the "Husky" section of the women's department.  I digress.

So what I'm getting at here is how small little deceptions become big things.  We capitulate on the small things in hoping to attain the greater thing.  But what happens when we give on the small things.  Offer up our best sacrifice and then wait for the answer.   And wait.

And Wait



And wait.

What happens when we give our best and it isn't enough?  Or we trust and love and only hurt?  I'm sure the optimist among us will say that "love endures all things" etc and that in time, it will all work out.

But what if it doesn't?

At least, in the time in which we thought it wouldn't.  I guess it is as true in the single life as it is in the married life.  I wouldn't know about the married life.  I've had bottles of shampoo that have lasted longer than my longest relationship, but I would imagine it is the same.  After a certain time, the bitterness seeps in.  I guess that is why the most cynical people are old.  It takes a long time to get that bitter.  Maybe.

I have to imagine that no one grows up wanting to be bitter.

I was listening to REK and he offered up this good song :

o they turned you out when you turned them inThey told you don’t come back againNow the years stack up like old beer cansDead end jobs, payment plans
Broke down trucks, welfare checksChild support and back-seat sexYou’d kill yourself but you hocked your gunYou built a noose but it came undone
So you’re livin’ in a shack but you wanna be richAnd you would if it wasn’t for the sonovabitchThe sonovabitch, the dirty old whoreThe butcher, the baker, the grocery store
You hate them, they hate youWhat in the world are you gonna do?It ain’t your fault but they need someoneTo blame it on when they come undone
Now the storm’s comin’ in, the sky’s turned blackIt’s too late now, you can’t turn backLightnin’ strikes on the telephone wireYou’re drunk as a skunk, your shack’s on fire
The wife took the baby and the other two kidsThe dogs are a howlin’ and the chickens are deadIt’s your last night out and you’re gonna have funThey’ll read it in the papers when you come undone

Interesting visual isn't it?  I recommend listening to it.   The one lie turns into two and then three and then everything is in play. The last verse is an eye opener.  We all come apart at some point.  Simply because we all lie about things, especially to ourselves.  But eventually, we can't out run them.  So then we can either face it.  Deal with it.   I don't think most people deal with it.  It's too easy to avoid it now.  Blame it on someone else.  Remember the old testament?  The good ol scape goat.  We blame the politician for the lousy government.  We blame the school for turning out dolts, we blame hollywood for making crappy movies, we blame our partner for our crappy marriage, we blame God for our fallen world.  

In reality.  We are to blame.  The politician, we elected him and then didn't follow up on him.  The school?  Well, we expect our teacher to raise our child, Hollywood?  We complain as we write a check for our cable bill.  Rather than forgive our partner, and ourselves, we hold onto the bitterness.  We blame God for everything... simply because He is God.  What would happen if we accepted responsibility for ourselves and our lives?