The First Year of Forever

The sweet smell of a great sorrow lies over the land

Plumes of smoke rise and merge into the leaden sky

A man lies and dreams of green fields and rivers

But awakes to a morning with no reason for waking

He's haunted by the memory of a lost paradise

In his youth or a dream, he can't be precise

He's chained forever to a world that's departed

It's not enough, it's not enough

His blood has frozen & curdled with fright

His knees have trembled & given way in the night

His hand has weakened at the moment of truth

His step has faltered

One world, one soul

Time pass, the river rolls

It's not enough it's not enough

His hand has faltered.... .... ......

And he talks to the river of lost love and dedication

And silent replies that swirl invitation

Flow dark and troubled to an oily sea

A grim intimation of what is to be

There's an unceasing wind that blows through this night

And there's dust in my eyes, that blinds my sight

And silence that speaks so much louder that words

Of promises broken

Pink Floyd "Sorrow"

I don't know how I can do any better than that. But, you know I will at least make an attempt to put something meaningful here. Annie would want me to try. So if you didn't know, this past Saturday makes it one year since Annie passed away. I don't know where I should go from here with this post. Should I do a "where are they now" post? Should I do a "greatest hits" of Annie post? Should I wax poetic on her life and the lessons learned from it.

How about none of the above? Is that okay? Beyond the physical changes and the natural grieving process, I don't have any deep philosophical revelation for you. We all come to our own end eventually. For those left... acceptence is enevitable. Life does go on. Although, even today, it still seems like 2 months are gone. That is a topic for another post. We just have to pick up the pieces and move on. I have had to have a lot of conversations I never thought I would have to have. I have seen the binds of friendship and love stretch beyond breaking. I have felt and experienced so much in the last 12 months that attempting to finalize the learning curve is distateful. What I mean is, that the revelation that I received only a few days after her passing is more true than I hoped it would be. One doesn't "get over" it. One only learns to live with it. Like so many things in life, we learn to adapt. Adaptation is necessary for our survival. And that is what the last year has been: Survival.

I wish I had the words to describe the past year. But I can't. I'm limited in my vocabulary and my ability. I just know that no matter what happens, It will be okay. It will all be okay.

So much has changed, but yet so much has stayed the same. Love. Friendship. These things don't change. And maybe Annie taught me the greatest lesson in both.

Where were you when I was burned and broken

While the days slipped by from my window watching

Where were you when I was hurt and helpless

Because the things you say and the things you do surround me

While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words

Dying to believe in what you heard

I was staring straight into the shining sun

Lost in thought and lost in time

While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted

Outside the rain fell dark and slow

While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime

I took a heavenly ride through our silence

I knew the moment had arrived

For killing the past and coming back to life

I took a heavenly ride through our silence

I knew the waiting had begun

And headed straight..into the shining sun

Pink Floyd "Coming Back to Life"