5

"Where do we begin to get clean again?"

Can we get clean again?"

5

You would think I would know better by now. It is only 4 now, not 5. I remember the good times of 5. Golf, food, trips. 5. I liked that number although at times I wished it was 6. But that is another blog for another night. tonight is about 5. Taken for granted infinitely. 5. I had this bright idea of cooking dinner on Sunday night. Being the alleged organized person I am, I shopped for 5, cooked for 5, set the places for 5. But there were only 4. It sounds so queer. It is so abstract that my mind cannot grasp it yet even today. 4.

"Every glamorous sunrise

Throws the planets out of line

A star sign out of whack

A fraudulent zodiac"

I want to break apart this new reality. I know I should embrace change and move on, but that only sounds good in books with people smiling on the cover. I never thought it would be only 4. I always thought it would eventually be 6, but not 4.

4

"And there's a memory of a window, looking through I see you.

Searching for something I could never give you.

There's someone who understands you more than I do.

A sadness I can't erase, all alone on your face."

-- Third Eye Blind "God of Wine"